well...today's teacher's day...
i gave mrs wee a bigger bottled stars(than the other teachers) and a real rose tt is the nicest of all the rose my mom pick....
i wanted to give a card to her actually but the whole class already gave her a box of massages from all of us n so i already wrote wad i want say...
she said she felt so guilty becuz she scolded me n i still gave her presents....
well i tink she's a great teacher, she scolded me becuz it's my fault tt i write slow..
she's right to scold me, i deserve it...
mrs wee is so poor tink, despite having operation she still have a few years left...
tis is so SAD...i wanna cry.T_T
in the bottled star i folded a heart den i wrote get well soon n stuff it in the middle of the bottle n cover it with the rest of the stars...
i realli realli realli dun want to say good bye to her....
the least i can do is to do well for my maths n add maths, to make her happy n to prevent her from getting scoldings...

i also spit out all abt my problems to mrs wee...
i feel so much better now.
wish tt i can chat with her more often.

mrs wee so ke lian. haiz...
y do such nice people have to end up in this way?

waahaaaah............
y did hazel have to do tis to me?????
i noe u want to avoid me. I ALREADY NOE U WANT TO AVOID ME.
can u plz dun like make it SO OBVIOUS ALREADY??

ok tis is wad happens....
today shermin, hazel n me all walk out of sch together...
den hazel n me is taking the same route home...
den she walk on this path nearer to the road n i took the path too cuz i want to get home faster n becuz i want to at least walk with her....
den she purposely go n walk into the HDB blocks when she realised i was on the same path..
den when i turned into the blocks when i'm reaching home(i'm supose to turn) she saw me n then she suddenly walk super slow to avoid me den she turn to the route near the roads...
n den my mind kept playing the 假装 by jolin(i was singing it too)...
which made me feel worst n it makes me wanna cry out....

well not all ppl accept a person rite? so wad can i do abt it...if there's nth i can do den y am i always being so sensitive n emotional abt tinks???? and y muz i always cry so easily?
y? y? y?


n candice is so wad lor...
everytime flirt....
last time i say i like said den she flirt flirt flirt
den now she knew abt L den she flirt
CAN SHE LEAVE ME ALONE?????
nvm....no ppl will realli like her anyway...
i dun feel sympatic towards her tt she nobody like..
i dun sympatic ppl who act cute(disgustin), act ke lian, everytime cry for ppl to see..
den she show she not happi by wrecking her tinks n ppl tinks...
den cry... den face like bao qing tian...



y he walk so fast today...i was close to saying hi...=(

haiz...
no wonder i'm in such bad mood n so tired...
cuz i'm having the gurl thingy
hate it...
made me feel so exhasted....
n i h8 bad moods..where i can spread it to ppl...
n den ppl will siam me......
n den i suddenly spurt out all the tinks easily....
feeling so tired..zzz

yet still have so many homework waitin for me to do...
i'm want to die already....




X(

so tired.....finally it is friday..
friday nite where i can slp all i want untill anytime tt i want to wake the the next morning...
my back is acheing...n i feel so tired....realli like a grandmother like tt....

i tink did my tests badly....i din have enough points for the summary(eng compre test) n i din have time to finish my social study essay.....n i lost my whole pad of foolscap with my SS notes inside....

Y AM MY LIFE SO MISERABLE?????????
Y??????????

but at least 1 good tink happened today rite?...
i seen him two times today...

the second time i seen him is at the library...
gene kept pulling me n encourage me to talk more to him...
but i refused n try to escape frm her grab...
tt is so paisei lor( i mean toking to him)....lucky he din see her pulling me...
i'm so not good at coming out with tinks to say tt's y i will feel paisei .....

today was the last day asaki the japanese girl's stay in singapore...
she's going home already T-T...she gave us some japanese cookies..i love the origini cookie!!!
agrigato askai!! =)
time realli flies....

so mani tests...ytd oral was bad....
i talked one word by one word....
today Chem SPA(science pratical asessment)... i did quite badly=(
i din have time to light the stupid wooden splint n test for the hydrogen gas...
waaaahhh!!waaaaahhhh!!!

during maths..my fav teacher of all which is Mrs Wee said tt she dun wan to teach next yr already, when the stupid han xiang make mrs wee feel hopeless....
becuz everytime we get bad grades she will get scolded...
it's all our fault..
i feel so guilty tt i'm not good at maths...
all han xiang's fault..stupid retard han xiang go complaint mrs wee some more..
mrs wee so good to us den he treat her in tis way...
n the stupid jeremy also, got problem one...everytime make troubles...
n mrs wee had to get scolding...
mrs wee is dieing in a few years time cuz of "hole in the heart"...
can't dey be a little sympatic towards her???
i dunwann to lose such a good teacher...
she's good at teaching maths...
she said tt she dun wan to waste the few years time in evergreen to suffer...
all the principal fault lar...she cannot have too much stress den still scold her..
somemore give her the lousy class as form class which makes her upset...
its not mrs wee fault tt we get low marks u noe MR CHAN YEW WOOI!!!
IT'S OUR FAULT!!! ALL OUR FAULT!!!!

i tink today is quite a sad day eh...

ytd a japanese exchange program came to our sch n will join us for 4 days...
she dun realli looked like japanese...
she's slightly dark skined...em....the eyes dun look japanese too..
but from her behaviour u can c tt she's a japanese..the way she smiled, greet people n give name cards...japanese r polite =)

but still...i'm not her buddy...how i wish i'm her buddy so i can learn more japnese, etc...
mae always get to buddy exhange students form other countries...it's so not fair...NOT FAIR!!!..
she can go hongkong during sec 2 for the exchange program when she host a hong kong girl...stupid MDM Tan dun allow me to go becuz i have stupid cronic illness...wads wrong with being cronically ill?..its not like i cannot go overseas!!!...
den in sec 3 which is recently..she hosted 2 UK girls n now she can go to UK during holidays...my stuborn ignorant baba dun let me host UK girls n now i dun get to go overseas all thanks to HIM!!!!...
n den now she get to buddy japan girl...SO UNFAIR!!!!!

den i have all these stupid tests going on...3 tests(chem,geo&maths) ytd, 3 tests(bio,eng&chinese orchestra) today, tmr chinese oral...thursday chem o lvl practical exam....like hell..

somemore today all becuz of stupid physis hw i cannot go recess n see him...
n the chinese orchestra instrustor made us stay untill 6.30pm...
somemore i play untill my finger have little white swollen bits....
somemore i have not done all my homework!!


i'm dead X(

today my hamster xiao hei died... =(
but i wasn't very sad abt it..
cuz he's suffering from some kind of disease n grew a large tumor...
my parents won't let me take him to the vet...dey always say dey have no $$$...
now he died...he wouldn't have to suffer anymore....
i kinda glad for him....


i'll never forget u xiao hei...i'll miss u...i hope u will be living happily in heaven =)..
good bye my dearest xiao hui...

hey u noe wad?...
somthing lucky happened to me today =)
i'm quite happy...
u want to noe wad?
I THINK I FOUND LEONEL'S BLOG!!!!!!
he wouldn't tell me his blog address..so i juz anyhow type the address...cuz i realli wanted to find out if he wrote abt me...n if he did, wad do he think of me n so on...

but the bad news is that my comp sth wrong so cannot see the content >.<
I sometimes realli hate my comp...always hang...cannot see the content of web site with some kind of graphic....so fed up with tis comp...
but at least it can still acess the net...if not i would have been bored to death...and i will not be able to talk to leonel in msn, plus i will not be able to play maple story.....
but nvm i can still acess his blog(if it is his blog) in school(X) yippy!!) or at my friend's hse...
wakakaka

i hope tt it is realli his blog...
but i won't tell u all the address...ltr u all tell him tt i noe his blog address den maybe he would change his blog address n then i will have no chance to read his thoughts anymore...
(i noe...i'm being a little childish.....well, i am childish anyway!! =P)

okok..i admit i do care abt hazel ok?
but wad can i do abt it?
she's ignoring me increasingly day by day...

i'm so sorry hazel...
wad have i done to make u do tis to me?????
hazel...plz forgive me plz...
i'm sorry for everything n anythink to make u upset...

i dun understand y i even bother to write it here when i noe u wouldn't by any chance read it...
idiot me...

i guess tt's wad my fate is...everytime such things happen to me n my best friend after i went to sec sch....i'm such a failure...



how i wish tt leonel will like me juz like i like him...
is it even possible????
and is it even possible tt hazel will treat me like we used to be, back to the happy n cheeky days?????
it seems so impossible...cuz i have to courage to tell them how i feel...

he said hi to me!!!!
oh my gosh!!!!
i was so stupid to smile at him onli...n i smiled stupidly...i bet i look stupid

but after awhile when we went back to class, i managed to say bye to him n he siad bye to me!!!
so happi!!!
but i tink his friends noticed...cuz i tink they heard it when i stupidly said "he said bye to me!!!" to my friends...n i kept on laughing...like an idiot...i wish he did not hear it, it's embarassing u noe...
Juz peeking at him makes me feels happy...when he smile at me it make me feel very happy...if he talk to me even if it is juz a hi or bye make me over the moon...


ms rebecca lee today abit siao...made us do all mapwork exercise today...but at least she din use the textbk if not i will die!!! i din bring my geo textbk today...cuz i was having flower eat tis morning...oh nvm...at least he bring me some luck after i've seen him...

*if u happen to see tis, leonel, i'm sry to scare u(if i do scare u), n plz dun avoid me plz..i dunwanna lose you...even juz being friends make me contented...*

it has been two days since i last saw leonel...
i'm going mad....
i miss him so much....
wa!!!!!!!!!!!!! wa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh.. n i'm still continueing flunking my tests... sobs

today i've seen him two times!!! he smiled at me!!!
his smile always brighten up my day...
when i'm abit down today, i'll always tink of his smile...
it will cheer me up right away...
this is so amazing........

studying for chinese test now...can't talk too much if not i will die tmr...

still waiting for him.....

double L is the type i realli wanted..
the perfect guy i always been thinking of...
but i noe he onli treat me like a friend...
haiz....how i wish tt he could be mine...

haiz....everytink seems kind of sad to me today...
i feel so tired...
maybe it's becuz i hadn't seen him today...
today i took so mani test....n i'm near to failing cuz i can't finish the paper...
haiz........

i'm feeling so worn out......

Yipee!!!
i went to Sentosa today...so fun...
i luv it...Sentosa's so beautiful...the wind is so cooling...

we went to the palawan beach..the southern most point of continent Asia..

we were supposed to meet at 10.30am at the habourfront MRT staion n go Sentosa together...but den amanda was late for abt 20mins...i was kind of fed up waiting for her...then later we found out tt shaf n sharil was at Mac n we have to was for them to come down before we set off the Sentosa...Cuz onli saf knows how to get to Sentosa...

we were having pot luck...i brought fishballs...amanda brought fruits..there r tibits, pasta(taste yucky), fried rice, chicken mac'nuggets, popia n drinks...we brought alot cups but NO UTENSIL untill vanessa bought the popia, when she came later...

almost all the people went to dip in the water...but i din bring my extra clothes(sobs)...i can onli dip my legs in =( ... so i went to play reversi with vanessa(I WON!!!).... n then we go n bury body in the sand..the first person we bury is see hong...after finish buring him...shaf go n put sticks n stuffs on the sand on see hong's body(private part =X)...dam obscene XD...den we go n take pictures of see hong n of cuz the creators is included in the pic as well =)(i was included)..n then, the next to be buried is shaf...we did a very good job on her, even the tourist took pic with her...we built shaf a cup F breast XD, like she wanted to...see hong had his revenge XD..he put cherry tomatos as nipples, n a plastic cup as,ehem..n den the next person is..er...i forgot his name...to bad sharil already went when he build the human sand castle =( , if not it will be more fun...

ok tis is the good part...there's always the bad part...Y DOES PAESAN HAVE TO EVEN COME? HE'S SO X-TRA...HE ACT LIKE HE SMOKES IN FRONT OF SHARIL N SHAF...HE WANTED THE CIGARETTE!!! TT'S Y SHARIL GAVE IT TO HIM!!!! HE DUN EVEN WANT TO LIGHT TT TINK!!!...HE PRETENDED TT HE WAS OBSERVING IT!!!...WADS WORST IS TT HE TOLD AMANDA TT SHARIL GAVE IT TO HIM!!!!! HE SAID IT LIKE SHARIL WANTED HIM TO SMOKE!!!..I H8 PPL LIKE TT!! EVEN THOU SHARIL SMOKES, HE WOULDN'T DO TIS KIND OF TINK!!!! IN THE END HE RIP UP THE CIGARETTE IN FRONT OF AMANDA N THROW IT ON THE FLOOR WHEN AMANDA ASKED HIM TO THROW IT AWAY...HE DID TT TO SHOW AMANDA TT HE IS A KUAI KIA(good boy)...HE IS NOT EVEN ACTING LIKE A KUAI KIA!!! HE'S POLLUTING!!!! LIKE THE EARTH IS NOT POLLUTED ENOGH ALREADY!!!! I H8 TIS KIND OF PERSON!!!

FORGET ABT HAZEL....L IS MRE IMPORTANT
♡double L

I'm so HAPPY!!!! =D
tis is the third time i saw him..
he said 'hi' to me face to face!!!!

OMG he's so cute!!!!!
but he's guaduating soon =(
tis stiuation happens to mia(princess diaries) too..but at least michael stead with her..
wad abt me??????
sobs...

he's so caring...he's a good listener too!!..hear me talk so much....he is also sort of good in studies...best of all he's cute too!!!
he's so similar to the guy in guardian angel n michael in princess diaries...how i wish he could be mine....but he's so perfect, he wouldn't choose a girl with cronic illness,have a moon face n flunk almost all subject, rite??


ODE TO L♡
Oh L...
can't u see?
tt u're perfect one
for me??

.....................

finally! i got Shermin to speak the truth out.....
she said tt not tt Hazel dun like me or angry with me or wadever....
she juz couldn't accept who i am...she's not used to a friend like me....
Shermin says tt i behave like a child, abit too naive...n when i laugh i din stop when everyone stopped laughing, i continued....
Shermin says, maybe Hazel will get embarassed by tt cuz everyone will look at me(i din realli notice tt)..

I think tt I am a failure....i can't even stop laughing when ppl stopped laughing....
wads more? i've been flunking all my tests ever since this happened....y can't Shermin juz spill every tink out before....
now i failed my geo n my maths...I CAN'T EVEN PASS MY MATH!!!!!

Sometimes, ppl juz tink tt i'm a blur n naive girl....dey dunnoe tt there's a dark side of me which has been tinking of jumping down the building....failing my tests again n again is like a blow to me.....i dunnoe when it will explode....
who will understand me??? i dun even realli understand myself...i shuld visit the sch conceller perhaps...but will she be of help to me??? there's only one way to find out, but when do i gt the chance??? i dun want my friends to noe....

so ok...today Shermin assured me tt every tink is ok....
but its NOT OK AT ALL.

when Shermin talked or asked question...Hazel WILL reply...and if i talk of ask questions....she will NOT reply unless it is necessary...

WADS WRONG WITH ME???? N WADS WRONG WITH HER?????
WHY IS EVERYTINK SO WRONG???????????????????


today the UK girls came to our school.The one with the red hair is pretty and has lots of friends.how i wish i could be like her, with so many friends.I dun mind not being pretty but i juz want to be well liked by people, is that so difficult??????

why did my best friend n I always have to go wrong in the end?????why????? its like wad happened to me n maggie last time....i realli dun want it to happen all over again....wad should i do??? wad should i do???? WAD SHOULD I DO?????

something is so wrong with ME:(
WADS WRONG WITH ME?????????
CAN ANYONE TELL ME PLZ!!


today in my planner(During Maths lessons):
"isn't it great? my best friends shermin & hazel are getting well
(yeah..rite...)
'sigh'.....

It's starting to get "better"....
I feel that they are nelegting me...
and tt's OK, RITE????? "


as u can see...i'm going abit mad....

my best friends are sitting together and its perfectly normal for them to get well.
BUT WAD ABT DURING GEO CLASS ON MON....HAZEL SAYS SHE WANTS TO SEAT WITH SHERMIN WHEN I SIT BESIDE HER!!!!!

when we exchange paper to mark nither of my best friends wants to mark my paper.And i feel nelegted because of THIS??????
OK not only i feel nelegted because of this...Hazel seems to be trying to avoid me when all 3 of us are walking together...she went beside shermin when i walk beside her..and hazel seems to ignore me when i tried to ask her a question...

and today, in toilet, i said lets wait for shermin outside, she said tt she wants to wait for her here cuz she love her too much(i noe she was joking, she always crack tis kind of joke), and then i said wait i get jelous arh.. and she looked at me and said wads wrong with me??


am i being over sensitive?
WADS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!
i realli feel like crying.......
wad should i do????????????????????